On The Couch

My mother phoned me panic-stricken last week. Apparently the number of people attending my wedding has now jumped from 40 to 80 people in the span of a week. This is largely due to the fact that, when the Greek side of my family got news of the event, they all decided to put down their hummus and hop onto a plane to fly down for the occasion. That’s how the Greeks work, you see. We like to attend family gatherings, eat and be merry. We like to drink ouzo, break plates and happily exclaim “OPA!” while doing so. We like to open vegetable stores, restaurants and corner cafes (let’s be honest, if the Greeks didn’t do it, who would?) and if anybody knows a Greek family, they will know that our family is huge (in numbers, not in weight). Okay, perhaps I got a little carried away with stereotypes. But this aside, my family really is huge. And the problem is that, out of the 80 guests attending this wedding, only 18 people are my fiancé’s guests. This leaves me to be more than just a little ...

Some people have very 'colourful' ways of celebrating Christmas. For example, some folk in parts of the UK swap clothes and put on masks then go visit their neighbours to put on a play. This has nothing to do with hijacking. It is an actual Christmas tradition called mumming and if you don’t believe me, google it.   In other parts of the world, kids lie in their beds waiting for a friendly witch to bring them presents. Some families might get lucky because it is said this witch likes to occasionally sweep the floor before she leaves. In Estonia the folk sit in saunas while Santa leaves presents under their Christmas tree. In Transylvania, folk serve stuffed cabbage on Christmas Eve.  As I have illustrated, the holiday season comes with so many traditions. However, the most sacred has to be that of the westernised South African. You see, we like to celebrate the birth of Jesus by going shopping at malls. We then like to get into fights with other shoppers for taking our parki...

There is something very important that needs to be addressed. If we do not do something, I fear that it could be the end of the world as we know it. Even now, as I type this, there is something very sinister lurking about Durban and it has become impossible for us to ignore any longer. I am talking about the Twilight obsession. You see, I have come to the startling realisation that vampires are working towards world domination. This was unveiled to me when the latest installation to the Twilight saga, Breaking Dawn, hit theatres last week. Never mind the fact that the Secrecy Bill has been approved, never mind the fact that Cop17 has kicked off, or that we are experiencing extreme weather patterns. All that matters (apparently) is the fact that Breaking Dawn has come to cinemas nationwide. Hello, get with the programme! Don’t get me wrong, I am not against this whole vampire craze that is sweeping our nation, I just happen to be more of a True Blood fan. I prefer my vampire charact...

I am on an anger detox prescribed to me by an online Buddhist monk. Well, at least that it was his online credentials say. In reality, this ‘monk’ is probably some middle-aged white guy who sports a mullet, beer belly and has nothing else to do with Buddhism other than the fact that he occasionally likes to blog about it. Nevertheless, I found his advice wise and insightful thus embarking upon a mission of ‘learning how to achieve inner peace by not reacting with anger'. All that this basically means is that, while all my friends and colleagues get to stew in their wondrous rage, I am left feeling somewhat deprived. You see, the initial concept sounded great but five days into my ‘anger detox’ has made me struggle to contain my anger and I find myself picking fights for no reasons. It was just the other day when I was following my fiancé around our apartment like a crazy woman, looking for something…ANYTHING, to latch onto as an excuse to start a fight. “It’s raining again,” I si...

Michael Jackson`s doctor Conrad Murray was sentenced to four years imprisonment for involuntary manslaughter in connection with the pop singers death on 25 June 2009. Media reports state that Murray may not spend a single day in prison because of a new California law. Instead he will serve his time in an L.A. County Jail where he could only serve half the sentence. The Judge Pastor ordered Dr. Murray to pay "appropriate restitution" to the Estate and to Jackson`s kids at a later date. Judge Pastor ruled Murray must pay an $800 fine, a $30 court security fee, and a $40 criminal conviction assessment. "It was a cycle of horrible medicine. There are those who feel Dr. Murray is a saint. There are those who feel he's the devil. He is neither. He's a human being." said Pastor. Jermaine Jackson has argued that Conrad Murray should have been charged with the second-degree murder of Michael Jackson. However, Jermaine has now declared that Murray's prison ...