My big, fat, half Greek, half German wedding

My mother phoned me panic-stricken last week. Apparently the number of people attending my wedding has now jumped from 40 to 80 people in the span of a week. This is largely due to the fact that, when the Greek side of my family got news of the event, they all decided to put down their hummus and hop onto a plane to fly down for the occasion. That’s how the Greeks work, you see. We like to attend family gatherings, eat and be merry. We like to drink ouzo, break plates and happily exclaim “OPA!” while doing so. We like to open vegetable stores, restaurants and corner cafes (let’s be honest, if the Greeks didn’t do it, who would?) and if anybody knows a Greek family, they will know that our family is huge (in numbers, not in weight).

Okay, perhaps I got a little carried away with stereotypes. But this aside, my family really is huge. And the problem is that, out of the 80 guests attending this wedding, only 18 people are my fiancé’s guests. This leaves me to be more than just a little concerned because that means that over half the guests are from my half Greek, half German family. 
My fiancé has suggested that we request everyone attending the wedding to wear name tags. He explained that this way, he wouldn’t have to try and remember the names of all 62 members of my extended family of whom he has never met before.
I told him that he would be fine, provided that he put on a friendly smile and mumbled some gibberish under his breath followed with a German or Greek sounding phonic. My reasoning is that all Greek names end with an 'ios', 'ias' or 'kis' (Akakios, Elias, Panagiotakis) and most German names end with an 'aus' (Klaus, Nikolaus, Matthaus). So when muttered, it all sounds the same anyway and this would then cover all our bases in terms of naming my entire family. However, my fiancé doesn’t believe my plan will work and has taken to going through my family albums in a desperate attempt at memorising their names and faces. 


In all honesty, I do not really share his concern. I know my family, and names are the least of our worries. The truth is that we are all a little odd. For example, my one cousin’s husband’s brother was fighting with my other cousin so she took his dogs to the SPCA. 
My other cousin likes to spice up parties by forcing relatives to drink what he affectionately refers to as 'The Punisher'. The name becomes evident after two shots. 
A few years back, another one of my cousins and myself got thrown out of a nightclub. To this day, I still cannot remember why this even happened. However, with my family, one can expect things to go raucous. And this is why I am a little nervous for the big day. 


I get shivers down my spine thinking of my cousin going round to the table of my in-laws with his bottle of 'The Punisher' and forcing them to drink up. He has already warned that my fiancé would be initiated into the family with 'The Punisher' and he is known for keeping to his promises. 
My mom always used to say that a person could get a good idea of what a person is like by judging their family. If this is true then I am not in a very good position to impress my in-laws. At the end of the day, I can only use the “Hey, we are Greek/German” line to justify certain habits. I don’t think I can get away with them unloading a whole can of crazy on the big day. 


So while my fiancé goes about trying to memorise names, oblivious of the impending doom that lies ahead, I can only cross my fingers and hope that my extended family members behave themselves on the day. And that 'The Punisher' does not make an appearance.